Would It?

If I told you the truth

            Would you still love me?

If I told you the lies

            Would your hugs still be the same?

My mind wonders, I know

            But doesn’t your heart falter?

Do I keep things from you?

            I most certainly do

But…

            What difference does it make?

If I keep things from you it’s because I love you

            And the truth never reaches your ears because you block it out

The lies are all you hear, they’re all you seem to understand evermore

            The end is near, so they say

They say that a window opens when a door closes

            Well…not anymore

I’m making sure all my windows and doors are locked because you’re worthless

            You shouldn’t have ever been in my life

I see that now, I realize it

            And now I thank you for leaving

For breaking my heart

            Because now someone else can mend it and take your place

Someone that will cherish me and never shatter me like you did.

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry for every time I have ever hurt you.

I’m sorry for being there in the end after all the hurt.

But, first let me explain.

I have always found comfort in you, comfort in your arms and comfort in your kisses.

Comfort in your words and in your eyes.

You see, I take comfort in the full essence of you!

I take comfort in the past of what we had with every single one of those memories; each memory a warming thought.

So now, I hope you truly understand that I really, really do love you.

I don’t want you to hurt anymore.

I want you to be happy at my cost.

I’m sorry for making you love me.

I’m sorry for being in your life.

I Hate This Feeling

I hate this feeling, this feeling of loneliness. I hate feeling dependent on you.

Never before have had I felt the need to want to be with you. Never did I think that I needed your kisses and hugs as much as I actually do now.

What is it about you that drives me crazy? What is it about you that I can’t ever stop thinking about you?

Everything you do and say makes me wish everything was different; it all makes me feel like a lost little child.

Would I feel safer if your arms were wrapped around me? Would I feel stronger and able to conquer the world?

I don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything anymore about life, about me, or you; I don’t know anything about anything anymore.

Is it better if I just forget? Is it better if I open my heart and mind for everyone to see? Or is it better if I just close myself and don’t let anyone in?

I don’t know…. This is why I need you here, I need you close to me to help me find the right answers.

Suddenly

Suddenly everything seems to have lost its magic. Nothing seems right anymore. Love no longer seems to be the thing of dreams.

I have been rudely awakened from a dream. I’ve been trying to live as the child that I have now realized that I no longer am. I am no longer that little girl that dreamed of true love.

Now, I have come to realize that fairies are the things of little girls; little innocent girls that dream ever so much of love, the little girls that do not know the pains of love.

I know realize that love is about suffering. Therefore when I heard that pain is love’s last resort, I must admit that it is true. It pains me, truly to think as such.

But, sadly I have suddenly awakened. No more do I wish to cry over a broken heart, or a lost dream. Because in the end, that’s how it all turns out, in the end it all ends in tears.

In the end we are suddenly forced to open our eyes and venture into the seemingly unknown. You see, as children…we know everything.

As children we believe that love can fix anything and everything. We think we know the solution to everything.

But, now I have realized that nothing is as it was. I realized that I need to grow up and accept whatever it is that is in front of me.

No more will I cry because of a broken heart. No more will I hurt over a lost dream. No more will I let the illusion of love sidetrack me.

I only hope that when the time comes to do as such, that I am strong enough.

The Truth

The tears keep falling and I don’t know why.  I try to wipe them away with my sleeve, to get rid of the evidence.  But, I still feel those dreadful tears on my face, both dried and fresh.  Again, I try to wipe them away.  But far more violently this time.

Still…they fall….

I let out a scream of desperation and claw at my chest, trying to get rid of the pain.  But, it won’t go away.

The memories just flash back.  I can’t stand it anymore.  Throwing myself on the floor I curl up into a ball.  But never once did my tears stop falling, and neither will they for a while.

I gasp and turn over in my bed.  I look up at the ceiling, frightened.  Sadly, even my dreams don’t deny the fact of my life, the pain of my heart.  When will it ever go away?